How many of us have had to wear the sacrs of living through a horrible break up. You know the one you never expected to happen, because you actually believe they're your future spouse. Let's take a look at Domoniques truth in healing drom heartbreak.
"Breakups are something that, I feel, people make to be such a taboo topic. Taboo it may be but baby, I’m going to talk about it. I have never experienced anything as hurtful as what I experienced living through my last breakup. Of course there are 3 sides to every story right? Yours, theirs, and the truth. The thing about it though is that no one ever wants to speak their truth so then whomever is left believing what they want. Not that the thoughts of others matters or anything...
I’ve received confirmation after confirmation that my story is actually of value. To tell my story isn’t in effort to tear him down, but to truly just tell my truth in hopes that someone may find some avenue into healing of their own.
I thought that I had met my husband. He was enough of what I just knew God had set up for me. He dressed pretty well, spoke pretty well, doted on me, and seemed to have it all together. You know, what most women would want. Even from the jump though, I felt that something was off.
Months went by and our lives began to mesh in an eerily convenient way. Of course it seemed normal ,because that’s ideal when you’re falling in love so why not build a life together? All of the patterns that I questioned were clouded by my infatuation with him. I mean, he did swoop right in after my last situation crumbled so this seemed to be it.
This seemed perfect. The romantic trips, the comfortability, the doting (again), the charm, the EVERYTHING, but then came the empty promises.
Things started getting weird. The continual mention of random women, the stuttering, and the illogical stories that wouldn’t have made sense to anyone. I stayed in my head and never really said much ,but there was always a pit feeling in my stomach. I was working a corporate job and diving into my entrepreneurial endeavors heavily ,so I didn’t read too deeply into it. I just stayed in my head and kept working.
Days turned to months and months turned to years. Years of unanswered questions ,and the constant burdening feeling that there was more happening than what I actually knew or could prove. Every question was flipped on me and even had me question myself. I floated along though, acting like everything was perfect because on the outside, they looked it. He was going to marry me. We were going to move to Atlanta, have a beautiful home, flourishing entrepreneurial careers, a few children, work in ministry and live the life! Sounds great right?
In the last 6 months of this almost 4.5 year relationship is where things really took a turn for the worst. The lies got a little more outlandish. The stories were a little more unbelievable. The dots didn’t quite connect ,and the perfect picture no longer looked the same. I couldn’t help but to think how foolish I was for not leaving when things began to spiral out of control before.
So what do you do?
Keep in together Domonique. Smile, grin and bear it. He loves you. He’s just working. Relationships are hard work. Suck it up and bear it ,because if you love him hard enough it’ll work.
That gut feeling that I had for years began to become more and more prominent. It kept me from sleeping peacefully. It even spoke to me outright when I was alone, which became quite often. It even brought me uncomfortable dreams and visions.
When he no longer came home at a respectable time, when he apologized a little more adamantly but no real action followed, when I found inappropriate messages, when another woman messaged me about their affair ,and when he would mosey his way to the neighbor’s house across the street before even coming home. I knew.
I wish that I could articulate how I felt; but because of the fact that I’d never experienced that feeling, I didn’t even know how to put it into words. Instead, I wore the unspeakable sentiments on my back and suffered in much silence. I wore them on my face and my heart ,because I just couldn’t say them without completely breaking down.
I cried oceans ,and couldn’t believe how intentional someone could be to try to break me the way that he did with seemingly no emotional intelligence whatsoever. To completely step out and create the very thing with someone else, that I fear I could never was a stab in my back.
To no longer have the person that I thought that I’d be with forever felt like experiencing death ,and to look in his eyes the last time was equivalent to watching the casket lowered into the ground at a burial site. Waking up every day in that entire month felt like I was preparing for a funeral. I felt like someone had completely ripped my heart out of my chest and put it in a paper shredder.
I know better than to accept that I deserved any of it. I know better than to accept that there is just no one out there for me. I know better than to accept the narratives that have been painted about me ,and I certainly know better than to sit on my testimony because of how embarrassing I perceive it to be. I also knew better than to accept a lot of things that I knew were beneath me for a false sense of comfortability and stability. It has taken me months to get here and for some people, this point may take years, or it may never come.
Healing is an ongoing process and even after some months, some of it still hurts. I learned in all of this that to love is a choice. To love is a conscious decision to look past the faults of a person ,and choose to accept them for where they are. My simplest regret was to think that my love could change someone.
So now, as some, I’m picking up the pieces. The great thing about it though is that I have the choice to pick up the pieces that I want. Some pieces are still there and some are missing, but the beautiful thing is that this picture will be completely new. "
Thanks so much for reading this edition of S.I.S. Be sure to leave a comment below if you've experienced a similar scar. Also heart this post to show Domonique some love for showing her scars transparently. Stay tuned for the next edition next month.
Reminder: Hearts are fragile , so take care of them like the precious cargo that they are.